I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
