Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just google imaged poop.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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