what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
