we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
