You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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