I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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