Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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