unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i think i just lost a toe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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