every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
