He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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