You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
