I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
