so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
