Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
