toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
