Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
