i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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