is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
