mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
