My nipple is on Facebook.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
