Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
