my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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