One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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