yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
