I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize