I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
