just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
