Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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