If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
