This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
