my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
