Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
