I didn't shave. On purpose
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
