Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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