You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
