Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
