next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
