You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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