so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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