4 words: hood of his car
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
