You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh god it's open bar.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
