I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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