You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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