Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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