I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
