I haven't been this sober since birth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
