Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
