i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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