8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
