I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
