Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
