At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
