It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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