I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
