atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
