He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
