I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Even my vagina gasped.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
