you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
