the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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