She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
