I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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