Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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