I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
