I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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