there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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