Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
