why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
