When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
