i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize