You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
