I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
