she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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