So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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