i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
